21.4.08

Scholarships and Idleness

One of the most remarkably irking qualities humans sometimes have is the fact that they feel like they have nothing to do when there is obviously something to do. I on many occasions have reprimanded people on this yet I feel extremely frustrated that it has happened many times to myself as well, classifying me well as a hypocrite for telling others to fight against idleness when it's happening to me every so often. Most recently there had been a troubled feeling about how I seemed to have nothing to do, even though I did have things to do and they were planned out accordingly so I didn't have too much work to do. But just today it had turned out that I had forgotten something incredibly important, something that wasn't even that difficult to do had I thought of it earlier, and that was turning in scholarship applications.
It had occurred to me when a fellow undergraduate working in my lab had said she got accepted to a scholarship and I congradulated her. But then I realized that I had forgotten all about scholarships since the last time I sent applications in, which was last semester. This was an incredible fault on my behalf since many of my applications can simply be copied and given in as a new application. But this time I forgot, and a lot of potential was lost immediately. This is an immensely grave mistake, yet also a very good lesson to myself how foolish and immature I had been. I had thought that I had all things planned out, but in reality I was only looking at things inside school, taking less into account my labwork (since I had less proposals to write about) and other administrative issues. I had thought that in terms of administrative issues I had been fairly on top of things, scheduling my classes very early and getting all the stuff done with my advisors as soon as possible. But obviously that proved to be wrong.
Regardless about how much I distress about it, I can't do anything about it now. I have to learn from my mistakes and make sure they don't happen ever again (or at least happen less often), therefore I will be sure to get all things dealt with, even if they are many months ahead of time. If I don't have the deadline for something yet, I will make a preliminary deadline to check when the time comes that there should be a deadline, even if I need my cell phone to remind me.
I will hope this won't happen again, because the feeling of failure, though needed, is never comfortable.

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