I am not meant to be a "scientific" character though I long to portray as one. I am actually more fitted to be an author, a lawyer, or a philosopher. My strength lies more in analysis than in memorization, and I more often enjoy taking a little bit of fact and spinning a lot of ideas and concepts out of them. Consequently, this is evident in my inability to memorize LARGE amounts of data, just flat out (although I will somehow have a few facts randomly pinned into my head for all of eternity despite my lack of any use for it). I am EXTREMELY bad, as Physics, EE, and some math classes have painfully pointed out to me, in applications. While I can, say, think up a variety of chemical syntheses from just a few chemical equations, solve a variety of differential equations and interpret circuits quite well, if I have merge any of them together, I fail to see the linking point for a very very long time.
Consequently, I wonder if some of my problems in physics or whatnot may be due to overanalyzation. Especially in mechanical physics, the concept of a spring or whatnot is so incredibly simple that I may have purposely overcomplicate it myself. If there were no spring or picture associated, and the only thing given to me were equations and numbers, BAM!! Easy material, can be calculated out in a couple a seconds. But add in a picture and suddenly I'm stumped for hours, trying link formula to the picture. Even if it was a graph instead of a picture of a spring, I would understand the math; but somehow that accursed little bouncy thing screws up my mind whenever I see it... (hahaha irony there's my analysis at work :p)
My other problem is dexterity. I can rarely do the same thing twice. This applies to EVERYTHING. Science experiments, Piano performances, solving math equations, writing an essay twice (hasn't happened often), trying to do moves in EFZ. Unfortunately, in the science career this is a very essential part of an experiment, to perform and repeat the experiment and get consistent results. But I'm incredibly clumsy and my skills are rather lacking in this part; I think too fast and before I finish what I'm supposed to be doing I start something else. This leads to messups, forgetting to clean something, and thus contamination/throwing something away.
With such a realization, one would wonder why I haven't changed my career path as of yet. Its not for any monetary issues; if it were, I'd be going to pre-med or, better yet, Law school because it would fit my style. Its not because I'm a social recluse either; many authors and philosophers can do perfectly fine without society, and scientists actually have to interact with society often in order to get their experiments going. The best reasons for my actions is most likely environmental influence, which (contrast to what die-hard gene-controls-everything believers think) lead me in general to think "science is cool". My parents were scientists, and I was proud that they were. In whatever movies I may have watched as a child, I rooted for the nerdy kid; being smart just seemed "cool" to me. Now, even my parents have suggested that if I wanted to, I could go into something like 3D animation (a course I took in high school, I did fairly well in it and found it fun) instead of science, but I chose science anyway. I don't know, I liked the image of the intellectual.
This poses problems at times. I'm fairly confident that my IMAGE (note: image) is that of an intellectual, but I worry if my actual intellect can hold up to that image at times. I worry that if people ask me questions and I am unable to answer them, if my image is ruined. Does this mean I'm being a scientist and acting all smart just because I like to look smart? I at the point don't think so. And don't hope so. I still hold genuine interest in my subject. Admittedly, it wasn't as strong as my curiosity as a child, but I want to go in deeper into the world of science. Because I like Organic Chemistry. I like doing math problems. Electrical Engineering is actually really fun (a helluvalot better than mechanical physics). So I don't think its just the image thing. I'm still asking questions; although I'm quite shy at doing so, its not because I'm afraid to admit my stupidity, but more of a social disability that I've had for a while, unrelated (I think?) to my interests in science.
But, for appearances anyway, I think... I most relate to the "large forehead" character in Pani Poni Dash, the one with orange hair. Though I don't like her disrespectful attitude to her classmates, I am completely emphatic with her... as the appearance to try and be someone smart, determined and hardworking, yet only recieving mediocre scores on her test and not being able to compete with some who are just better than her. Yeah, I dislike the whole concept of other people working not as hard and still getting decent grades... that's another issue altogether, for another post. Over here I just summarized about 2-3 years of thoughts that usually come up (and will continue to come up) during times of stress and wondering about the reasons for my
NOTE HOW I ANALYZE MYSELF, THIS IS AGAIN PROOF THAT I'M MORE ANALYZING THAN... ok I'll shut up now.
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